Do you remember when you were in high school or college and you knew in advance that a paper or report was due on a certain date?
I don’t know what your reaction to this kind of expectation is, but I do know mine. I shut down or balk or procrastinate or all three. This is definitely a self-imposed, negative reinforcement, the result of which is anxiety and being as Barbra Streisand says, “far klempt” – a Yiddish saying which translates into something like “uptight.”
You might be thinking, “Well then, don’t write. Nobody is forcing you to do it.”
Well, that’s not quite true. You see, I have a muse and I have a little voice echoing in my head which reminds me when too much time has passed between posts (otherwise known as entries or articles). My muse (who is a real person) urges me to “keep writing.”
Uh, oh! This feels like an admonition! It’s not that I don’t think about writing. I do. Most days, I go over my experiences and search for the keywords which might indicate that some event or feeling is worth writing about. It’s not a question of whether there is an audience. I really write for myself. That’s why I prefer the word “journal” over “blog.” But, I always feel that my “sharing” does resonate with others. After all, we are sharing the human experience in one form and another.
When I was in my early teens, I kept a diary (with a lock on it, of course). My sense of having a private place in which to express my feelings and record my experiences was essential to my existence. Life sometimes seems overwhelming or confusing and the process of writing, in and of itself, is healing. My diary was an extension of myself as I evolved from childhood through adolescence. My reward is an everlasting love of words and language.
Over the years, I have kept a journal. I have at least a dozen little books that document my personal experiences and formerly ensuing emotions. My concern now is whether or not I should destroy them or keep them intact so that someday, my children and grandchildren will know the “real” me.
“Tis a puzzlement.” – The King and I
Once I sit down and focus, the words begin to flow, even though I do not always know where I am going. This is the best way for me now. I enjoy the free flow of thoughts and ideas… so different from all the papers I had to write in grad school which required foot-notes and bibliographies. I did have to retrain myself to “go with the flow” after I left my professional career as consultant and professor. It wasn’t easy. But, I did it and here I am, 499 words into this entry.
I welcome your feedback and your thoughts.